I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
