haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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