Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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