You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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