I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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