I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
