A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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