Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
