Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
