dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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