he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
