dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
