everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
