I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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