Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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