Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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