Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
