It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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