gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
