i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
