Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
