I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
