That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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