one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As shirtless as possible
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
