Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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