You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
