I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
