people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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