PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
