Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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