After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
