I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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