I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
