i don't like sucking hair
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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