I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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