You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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