My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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