Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
