I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
