oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
