walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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