her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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