there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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