Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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