Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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