Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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