Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
