Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
