I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
