And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
