Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
