we made out on top of his cat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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