Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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