Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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