I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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