Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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