she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
