I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
