NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
