Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
