trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
