This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
