do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
