ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
