she woke up with a sticky ear
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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