He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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