you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i believe in u and ur pee
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
