please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
