I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
