Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
