Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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