best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
