I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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