I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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