someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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