Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
