But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
