oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
