roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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