Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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