i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
